so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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