My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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