I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
