As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
