The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
