I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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