it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
