Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
