OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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