Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
