Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
