And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
