Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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