I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
