just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
