just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
