She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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