Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
