I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
