im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
