the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
