I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
