You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
