i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
