I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
