hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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