i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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