you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
