SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
false alarm, still single
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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