At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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