I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
