The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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