I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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