Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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