Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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