So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
