Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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