I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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