i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
