this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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