Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
