it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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