I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
