i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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