all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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