Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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