dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
