At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
