I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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