if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
