is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
