oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
