I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
