I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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