i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
