4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
