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If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
