Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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