Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
