You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
