After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
