Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
