Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
