wake up i wanna do it froggy style
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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