Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
