You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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