This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
