just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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