Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think people are normalizing furries
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
