Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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