I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Even my vagina gasped.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize